THE ART OF FORGIVENESS || LEARN AND MASTER 5 PRACTICAL STEPS ON LETTING GO AND FREE YOURSELF FROM HURTS


It is almost impossible to forget your past especially when the experiences were traumatic, when such past left a life changing scar on you internally or externally.
Yes, we cannot run away from our past but you can heal through the process of acceptance and embracing your past.


As young women, (because this blog focuses on young women) I bring you good news today. you don’t have to relapse into depression, alcohol binge, self-shaming etc because you feel that your story is ugly or on the excuse that you don’t deserve the worst from people and life. Yes you don’t deserve to be hurt, honestly you don’t, but life is tough and sometimes shit happens, the tough must survive and move on.

Remember, where you feel that your story stops is where another person’s story begins.
You must choose to heal for the sake of your own mental health, wholeness, happiness and for the sake of the people who love you and want the best for you because dwelling the your past will only awaken more hurt, bitterness, hatred, regrets for yourself and towards the people that have hurt you knowingly or unknowingly.

This article is very important for you and I. Why? Because in it, you will find candid tips on mastering the art of forgiveness, you will find step by step ways to make peace with your past and forgive your offenders a.k.a “enemies”
Grab a cup of hot chocolate let’s begin.

Forgive yourself: forgiveness is healthy. It’s so important that the forgiveness starts with you first. 
You must forgive yourself for what ever mistakes you must have made in the past, you must forgive yourself for all the hurtful ways you vented your anger on your offenders, you must forgive yourself  for all the thousand words you were unable to say  to the people that hurt you, you must forgive yourself for being helpless in that moment when you could have been stronger..

You must  accept  that life is a learning process so you must make mistakes, get hurt, learn from them and move on. Self-loathing nor bitterness will not revoke the hands of time but you can definitely look beyond the disappointments that followed such hurts and see the blessings or the opportunities that lie within. It just might be a blessing in disguise. You must  forgive yourself so you can be able to forgive the person/people that hurt you.

Seek reconciliation with the right manner of approach: earnestly approach your offenders with a forgiving mindset. I know that you may feel that just forgiving the person/persons within your discretion is enough. The truth is, it’s not enough because the anger and the bitterness may spring up again at the glimpse of that person(s). Their presence may cause you discomfort or even worst thoughts. So, you have to meet them for reconciliation. I recommend that you take a step further by having a peace talk with such persons(s). Sincerely, with an open heart tell the person(s) how he/she had wronged you, how it affected you and made you feel about the person(s). It’s good that you should use constructive words instead of violent and insulting words while you are at this so that you won’t end up creating more hurts. Hence, a fruitful reconciliation.

Note: In the process of reconciliation, you may think that you are the only one hurting but you will be surprise to find out how you may have hurt someone else also. This is why reconciliation is good.

Hold on to the future and let that be your focus: liberate yourself from the bondage of what should have been in the past or what shouldn’t have. dwelling in the past will only drag you backwards, after forgiving yourself and others it’s a step in the right direction that you must move on, focus on how to minimize  the effects of the hurts. I call it damage control. You must not end up as a bag of rubbish just because you were hurt.

Be positive: let go of the doubts, pessimism and the fear of the unknown. Just because you lost/failed in winning with people, the people you never expected to hurt you. Put all that in the past because that’s where all that baggage ought to be. The past truly. You shouldn’t give up on relating with people and yourself because you are afraid of getting hurt again. See such situations in life as a test for every level in life. Keep an open mind and let positivity  be your watch word when dealing with people that come your way in life, develop a charming personality, be confident in and out(but not proud or insulting).

Remember, just as a law in Physics says “like poles attract like poles”, so is it with humans,” positive energy attracts positive  energy”. Let go of all that negativity now.

Surround yourself with good and kind-hearted people: this is self-explanatory.  Need I say more! Try and get out of  that down casted mood, show an approval and gratitude by welcoming those people who check up on you during these darkest moments of your life, dress up and go out on a date with them so you can cheer up. Leave your door open and accept those people who truly can relate with what you are going through.  To be honest, most times it’s only someone who has been through the same hurtful situations as you that may be able to offer you soothing words of comfort, sympathy and empathy. Such person(s) could be your best friend, a co-worker, family members or even members of a support forum. Don’t shut out people who stretch forth a hand of love to you during this phase of life. Stop grieving now and if you must grief, grief with your love ones.

Read inspirational books: Seek inspirations in the word of God, books, and ted talks. Never underestimate these sources of inspirations,  they are true solace to a dispirited soul and to a broken heart. Receive them with an open heart, the light your searching for, the answers to the questions which are flooding your mind, and the consolations that you need to forgive and move on can be found in them.

Seek professional counseling: Usually people are  not willing to open up about what they might be going through. Sometimes it’s not because they wouldn’t love to open up but they are afraid that people will not understand them. It’s necessary that when you have tried other options and see no positive results please speak to someone you can trust; a professional therapist  and a religious authority for counseling.

I hope this helps you in some ways.
Share your opinions, let’s talk.

How do you overcome hurt?

How do you deal with your past?

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17 comments

  1. Forgiveness is so healthy. Forgiveness of yourself is perfect as is forgiveness of of others. When we forgive others we actually do ourselves a huge favor.

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    1. You are right, Dr Elise. Thank you for your thoughts on this.

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  2. Learning to forgive can be so difficult but once you truly make an effort, it's always so worth it. It takes consistence practice. It's equally healthy to forgive because it helps you move on and focus on much more important things.

    Happy birthday dear, wishing you the very best!!

    www.zinnyfactor.com

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    1. Zinny, you always warm heart with your kind words, support and well wishes. God bless you immensely.

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  3. I worte a blog this week about 10 things we do that make us unhappy and one of them was holding a grudge. Forgiveness is very freeing.

    In my post I talk about how forgive seems like a big bad word because it's like the person you are forgiving gets off the hook for their actions but forgiveness is actually about how WE feel inside. When we forgive we get to let go of the hurt, anger, and resentment that is holding us back from being happy.

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    1. Hey Sarah, forgiveness is certainly one of those things we must do to keep ourselves happy. I will be sure to check out your blog. Thankyou for stopping by.

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  4. I think forgiving yourself is even harder than to forgive others but both is very important in life and we should all learn how to do this!

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    1. Tiazim, you are welcome to the community. To forgive yourself or to forgive others. I'd say both is required. Thank you for your thoughts.

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  5. I love this post so much. Even when you feel wronged, it's good to try to see outside perspective and assume that the other person may be hurting too. Explaining that you're sorry even when you didn't mean to inflict pain goes a long way. Forgiving yourself for not being perfect is a big one too. I struggle daily with it. This is a great place to start and I love that you included surrounding yourself with kind people. You can never move on from something if the person you seek forgiveness from or to give it to does not truly accept it. ❤️

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    1. You comment has hit the nail, Jamie. Indeed we must forgive, comfortable or not. It's amazing. Thank you for your thoughts.

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  6. Really lovely post! I think it can get tricky when a person has been abused. They may not want to and perhaps should not have a face to face conversation. Letting go and figuring out how to forgive in those instances can be very, very hard. I think prayer is probably the most powerful way to work towards forgiveness. Keep up the inspiring work!

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    1. Wow thank you so much. At times prayer is my rescue option too.

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  7. This is such good advice - especially the last part, I think talking to a professional, even for a one-off session, can be really benefitial. I'm one of those people who finds it good to talk things over and 'get out of my own head' in a way.

    I hope that you have had a lovely weekend! Warmer here today, which is nice after a cold week last week, but the rain is back which isn't so good!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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    1. Hi Mica, yes it's good to talk things through because it lessens the burden of having to hold the grudges alone. It's therapeutic. Oh yes, my weekend was splendid and I'm glad to read that your whether is cooperating of there. Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts.

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  8. Such lovely advice. Holding on to the things that hurt us isn't helpful at all. It's so important to learn how to release it. And this post lays out so many healthy options. I love it!

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    1. Well said, Sara. We must let go of those things that hurt us. Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts.

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  9. Forgiveness is so important. It is so easy to hold onto things that hurt us, but once we let them go your whole world changes. It is so much easier to be positive about your life if you forgive.

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